


Some Things Change, Some Things Don't

by SecondFromTheRight



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:15:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26306929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecondFromTheRight/pseuds/SecondFromTheRight
Summary: “You’ve just been living your life.” She dismissed simply, forgiving him way too easily as far as he was concerned.“You’re…” He paused, having to make himself shut his mouth and swallow back the want to tell her exactly what she was to him. Their focus remained on each other as she waited for him. “A big part of that life, Iris. You always will be.” He promised her. It was too close to a vow, he could hear it in his voice, but he wasn't going to take it back.“Some things change, Barry.” She reasoned gently, giving him an out – one he didn’t want to take.Set 2x12. Barry visits Iris at the hospital.
Relationships: Barry Allen & Iris West, Barry Allen/Iris West
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	Some Things Change, Some Things Don't

**Author's Note:**

> So, I actually started to write this before "Sparkage". This was the original idea. I got distracted half way through when I realised the amusement to be had with a medicated Iris version instead. I wasn't sure about posting this considering I finished Sparkage first, but I'm still in the mood of trying to get everything finished and posted, even if I'm really slow at it. So...enjoy!
> 
> This is more a missing scene rather than changing canon. It's set between the two Star Labs scenes, really. The same night, and the day after scenes, where Barry switches from "Iris could have died" to "What would we have done if we were in his shoes?". I'm just head-canoning why the change.
> 
> There will be another chapter.

“Hey, man.” Barry quietly greeted Wally with a slight tap of his knuckles on the doorframe. He’d been standing just inside the doorway to Iris’ hospital room for a few moments already, but Wally hadn’t noticed him.

Surprised by his presence, Wally quickly shifted in the seat by Iris’ bed as he looked back towards Barry. “Hey.” Wally replied. He turned back to his sister before dipping his head, his shoulders hunching with guilt.

Barry slowly stepped closer, closer to Wally, closer to Iris. He took her in, hurt, because of him, because of this new Wells – also because of him. “How is she?” he asked sombrely, his focus pinning to the bandage he could see under the hospital gown she was wearing.

“Uh,” Wally stared at Iris, silent for a moment before he suddenly stood up and cleared his throat. “They said she should be able to go home tomorrow,” he explained as he shoved his hands in his jean pockets. “She’s been sleeping for a while. Woke up long enough to lecture me before passing out again,” he joked but it sounded hallow. He rubbed at his left inner elbow, his right arm across his body before letting it drop and gesturing at the door. “I’m uh, I’m gonna get a coffee. You want anything?” he asked, already heading for the door before Barry could answer.

“No, I’m fine. Thanks, Wally,” Barry said, turning as Wally past him. Wally gave an awkward nod in acknowledgment, his shoulders still pulled forward, before leaving Barry alone with Iris.

“Iris,” he whispered. He couldn’t believe she was in hospital; he hadn’t saved her. The one person he wanted to save the most, and he’d failed, because yet again he trusted someone he shouldn’t have. He’d let someone in, and now the one person who had kept him from closing off from the world after everything he’d been through, was the same one paying for it.

Wiping away the tear falling down his cheek, he hurried to the chair Wally had been in moments before, on her right, uninjured side. He felt a need to be close to her, so dragged the chair in until he could touch the bed. “Iris, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t fast enough. Wells, he…” he stopped himself, wanting to talk to her about it, not just at her. “Let’s just say it’s starting to feel like last year,” he said with a bitter scoff. Exhaling, he looked over Iris’ form again, his eyeline focusing on her hand before he allowed himself to follow through on the instinct to take her hand in his. “I don’t know what to do. Want to wake up and tell me?” he pleaded as he turned his attention to her face where he saw her brow start to furrow. Holding his breath, he waited until she moved her head and gave the slightest moan. “Iris?” he checked, leaning closer.

“Barry.” She breathed. Barry wasn’t sure she was really waking up at first, but then her eyes started to slowly blink open.

“Hey,” he said with a breath, relieved to see her awake. Iris didn’t acknowledge him, instead lifting her left hand and staring at it as if it wasn’t hers. At the same time, she tried to back away from it. “No, it’s okay,” Barry reassured as he quickly stood and reached to help her, taking her hand in his. She turned her head to him, looking suspicious as she tried to gather her surroundings. “Hey, here. You’re okay,” he promised, gently guiding her left hand down to rest on her torso, hoping to avoid any pulling of her injured shoulder. She stared at him and even as he worried, Barry couldn’t keep the smile from his face. “Hi.”

“Barry,” she repeated again, surer this time. Exhaling, she let herself lie back against the pillows and took another look around the room. She closed her eyes and Barry took the que to also sit back down, but not before he took her right hand in his again, needing the connection. She gave a slight moan before speaking. “Was kind of hoping this was a really crappy dream and I’d be home by now.” She got out before clearing her throat some.

His smile stayed. “Wally said you should be home tomorrow.” He informed her, hoping to calm her some.

In contrast to what he’d wanted, she opened her eyes in alertness then lifted her head and tried to sit forward. “Wally.” She said, her voice full of worry.

Barry stood again, trying to counter her concern. “He’s still here, he’s just getting a coffee.”

She blinked at the door and Barry counted the seconds until she let herself calm down, her head falling back against the pillow, her eyes shutting. “Mmm, coffee.” She mumbled after a moment, breaking the tension.

Barry laughed, the emotion he hadn’t fully realised was closing his throat, turning to relief again. “I’m not sure the quality of the brownies here.” He joked tearfully.

Keeping her eyes closed, she turned her head in his direction. “You can get to whooshing, get some from some place good.”

“Get to whooshing?” he questioned with a frown, even as his lips turned up with fondness.

“Hm,” she moaned, wetting her lips. “Whoosh,” she lifted her left hand slightly in gesture. “Whoosh.” It was more of a wave motion than anything.

He bit down on his grin before stroking down the space of her hand between her thumb and index finger. “Maybe you should go back to sleep.” He suggested with a smile.

She took a heavier breath than he’d like, seemingly steadying herself. “So you can sit here and blame yourself?” she said. “Can’t do that.”

The smile left his face, his best friend seeing right through him even when she was half asleep. “Iris – ” he tried.

She blinked her eyes open, looking tired and weak, before meeting his. “It wasn’t your fault.”

He didn’t agree. “You could have died.” He pointed out, feeling the anger rising again. Iris – her life, her safety.

“But I didn’t.” she countered simply.

“And I wasn’t fast enough to save you. You’re still hurt!” he raged, feeling more and more unsettled as he saw the reality of what had happened.

She turned her hand in his, clumsily latching on as much as she could. “I’m okay.” She said softly.

He stared at her, the anger diminishing some because it was impossible to be angry staring into her eyes. Instead, tears filled his own. “You’re in the hospital.” He whispered, letting himself look down and fully take her in again.

Her mouth curled at the corners, understanding. She shook her head, back and forth twice against the pillow. “You can’t be everywhere, Barry. Even The Flash can’t save everyone from everything, all of the time.” She tried, but her speech was slow, only further emphasising that she was sitting in a hospital bed.

Bowed his head away from her eyes, Barry stared at her hand instead. The stark white of the sheets was so blatant and cold against her skin. She was here because of him, because of Wells. Swallowing, he started up again. “But I should have been able to! We knew Tar Pit was there! I should have made it in time.” he ranted, remembering his earlier outburst in Star Labs.

“Barry.” She sighed.

He stilled, concentrating on his breathing and almost preparing himself to look to her face again. “Wells has been…siphoning my speed.” He revealed, his focus still on the hand in his, not quite ready to meet her eyes.

“What?” she snapped, all comfort and softness replaced with her own anger, making him briefly lift his eyeline.

“It’s why I was…slower,” he swallowed back the tears. “Reaching you.” He finished, finally fully focusing on her eyes again.

Her eyebrows creased. “Why would he do that?”

“To give it to Zoom.” He revealed.

“What?!” she repeated, anger turning into rage – protection, on account of him. He was familiar with the feeling and oddly, it drained him of his own anger and frustration, suddenly feeling tired instead.

He sighed, bringing his other hand to Iris’ so he was holding hers completely in both of his. “To get Jessie back,” he explained softly. “They made a deal.” He gave a slight shrug.  
Iris relaxed a little, he saw it in the way her shoulders dipped so obviously against the pillows behind her. “He told you? That’s how you found out?” she asked, rational thinking fully replacing her fury.

“Yes.” He confirmed for her.

Her eyebrows quirked. “That was a big decision to make.”

“I know,” he nodded. “And…” Pausing, he shook his head. “I get it. I get why he did it. If it was Joe, you, I…” Trailing off, he stared at her, that need to tell her that he loved her flaring to the surface. He swallowed it back, but didn’t take his eyes off hers. “I’d do anything.” He promised, saying it without saying it.

She expression turned soft as she looked back. “Not risk other people.”

Barry shrugged. He wasn’t sure about that. For her? For Iris he… Well, he didn’t know if there was a limit. “Maybe I would.” He settled on.

“Barry – ” she whispered and in that one word he heard all the belief she had in him. Believing that he was good – he couldn’t hear it right now. Because he had failed her, because he’d judged Wells wrongly, been so blind. And because for all his understanding, all his empathy that Iris saw in him, it wasn’t enough.

“Either way, I don’t know if it matters.” He confessed.

“What’d you mean?” she asked with confusion.

He took a breath, letting his focus fall away from her eyes and scan over the room behind her because he was ashamed to be seen by her right now. “I mean…I understand, completely, why he did it, I do. But you’re still hurt because of what he did. And it could have been…so much worse.” He finished in a whisper, unable to keep his focus completely away from her and finding himself staring at the thin sheet and blanket covering her.

“But it wasn’t.” Iris tried.

He shook his head. What if it was worse? It could so easily have been so much worse. Or what if Wells hadn’t told them? Barry didn’t have a clue what was happening to his speed. “But – ”

“But it wasn’t,” she cut him off. “You still saved me. And Wally, and everyone else there,” she reasoned, making him meet her eyes. It was so hard to look away from her. “And Wells told you so you can fix it,” she added, seemingly aware how much she had his attention. “He did in the first place because he’s human, and he loves his daughter. And now he’s told you, also because he’s human, and unlike Thawne, this Wells does care about who he hurts getting to what he wants,” she continued before pausing. Her mouth lifted, giving a soft smile. “I know you can forgive that.” she said seriously, her voice reaching him and his doubts as it so often did.

Swallowing, he continued to stare into her eyes. “You’re in the hospital, Iris.” He whispered. The fear for her was his overriding feeling. He couldn’t get rid of it, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to. She was what mattered.

“Repeating that doesn’t change it,” she gently admonished with a tilt of her head. Barry raised his hand to his face, rubbing at his brow, then his eyes as he physically forced himself to lower his head away from her. He wiped away the tears sitting under his eyes before shaking his head at the situation. “Been in hospitals a little more than usual lately anyway. What’s one more time?” Iris said quietly, bitter sarcasm lining her tone in a way that gained his attention again. But when he looked up, she was staring at the door. “It scares Wally.” She said sadly.

He was so selfish. He was completely caught up in what he was going through, forgetting what she and Wally and even Joe had been through in recent weeks. And he hadn’t been there for any of it, too busy trying to prove a point, too busy trying to make some kind of life for himself. He should have known it would never work when the attempt required him to distance from so much of what already was his life.

Wiping his mouth, he shifted forward, closer to her. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much as I should have.”

“Barry.” She said quietly, comfortingly, her head tilting back to him.

He needed to be the one to comfort her. “With Patty and Zoom, I…” he rushed to say before finding himself stuck. “I’ve been absent.”

“You’ve just been living your life.” She dismissed simply, forgiving him way too easily as far as he was concerned.

“You’re…” He paused, having to make himself shut his mouth and swallow back the want to tell her exactly what she was to him. Their focus remained on each other as she waited for him. “A big part of that life, Iris. You always will be.” He promised her. It was too close to a vow, he could hear it in his voice, but he wasn't going to take it back.

“Some things change, Barry.” She reasoned gently, giving him an out – one he didn’t want to take.

“Some things never do and never will.” He said passionately, simply unable to hold back on how he felt. He would always love her - he would always be in love with her. She would always be it for him, even if she never came to accept her own feelings for him. He continued to stare into her eyes, and she didn’t look away. Maybe she was searching for the truth in his words? He wasn’t sure, but he couldn’t break the contact.

Finally, after he sat holding his breath, Iris lips lifted the slightest amount, but enough that it still reached her eyes that were still returning his look. She nudged her hand towards his, patting on top of his as her thumb curled under. Her nail scraped along his palm in a way that caused tingles through his body. “It’s fine. My focus has been elsewhere too,” she reassured. “New people coming and…” she paused, wetting her lips in a move that seemed nervous and suddenly Barry felt like he was being tested. “Leaving our lives.” She finished with a heavy exhale.

Barry shook his head as he stared at her, not sure what she was looking for, what was the right or wrong thing to say. “I’m still your best friend, Iris. If you want to talk about…everything that’s happened lately…” he offered a little helplessly.

“I know,” she said, tone soft but also without any encouragement for more. “Not right now.” She added, seemingly fully shutting down any notion of him further divulging.  
It was similar to the first time he’d told her she could talk to him about everything with Francine. Just before his first date with Patty. She’d brushed him off then too, saying she was fine.

Nodding his head in acceptance, Barry sniffed as he suddenly stood. In the move, her hand lifted with his before falling back onto the bed alone. It was only inches, and barely a second, but something about it hit him in the gut. “I’ll get out of your space.” He said, feeling sorry for himself all over again.

“You need to get back to STAR Labs?” she asked with some breathiness, like he’d thrown something unexpected into the mix.

Keeping his head down, he gave a single nod. “I have to figure out what I’m going to do with Wells.” He explained, unable to keep the sadness from his voice.

“Okay.” She accepted, but the short, tiny echo of her tone stopped him.

He frowned as he raised his head to look at her. They’d switched – her attention purposely elsewhere as she stared down at the sheet on her other side. She was even playing with the material, picking at it between her fingers. It wasn’t like her, deepening his frown. “Do you…do you want me to stay?” he risked asking. 

“I’ll just be sleeping anyway.” She dismissed with a light, hollow laugh, her focus still down.

“Iris,” he called, encouraging her to meet his eyes. When she did, looking up at him with wide eyes, he shook his head somewhat helplessly. “I’m here.” He tried.

It took longer for her to respond, seemingly to weigh up what she wanted to do, if she really wanted him here. He stood still, waiting for her, for anything she decided to give him – to send him away or to keep him. Lines around her mouth creased as she pressed her lips together, swallowing in a way he recognised as her upset. Her eyes quickly welled with tears. “Thanks, Barry.” She whispered tearfully.

Barry was back in the chair in a second, immediately reaching to grab her hand between his again. “Yeah, of course.” He promised, meeting her eyes. He’d failed her earlier, but he’d be here now, for anything she needed, even if it was just company.

Iris tilted her head as she leaned back into the pillow, her eyes never leaving his. She sniffed, trying to lift her free hand to wipe away pooling tears, but gave a wince as the move pulled on her injury. He should have just let go of her right hand, but he didn’t want to. Instead, he compromised by freeing one of his, half-stood and reached to gently smooth the corner of her eyes. At first, she watched him, keeping eye contact as he came close, but then as he brushed her skin, her eyes drifted close and she released a sigh.  
Delaying as long as he realistically could, he risked lightly dragging his thumb down to her cheek. He took it as a win when she leaned into his hand.

When she exhaled again, her shoulders relaxed as her eyes remained closed, Barry sat back down in the chair. Readjusting, he clutched her hand that was still with his and added his second just above her wrist where he stroked his fingertips up and down her forearm. He hoped she felt the same comfort as he did from the action.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy.


End file.
